Here are some of the best jokes that I have collected over a period of time, hope they would add a smile to your face. This page will be updated weekly so be sure to check back.
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOURCOURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
This guy was cleaning his basement, while doing that he found a lamp. So he decided to rub it and see if anything will happen. Suddenly smoke was everywhere and a genie appeared in front of him.
"You have freed me from that dreaded lamp, as your reward you'll get three wishes." the genie continued, "But I do things in a different way. For every wish granted, your wife will get double. Understand?"
The guy said, "OK cool" He gave some thought and said, " I wish for a million dollars" He gets a million dollars and his wife got two million dollars.
The guy then said" I wish for a big house with 2 bedrooms" So he gets the house and his wife got even a bigger house with 4 bedrooms.
Down to the last wish, the dude is thinking hard now. After 5 minutes of careful thoughts he's finally ready. He turn to the genie and said, "Beat me half to death."
A dude walks into a bar with an alligator. He takes a look around at everyone there and said in a manly voice," Is there anyone here manly enough to do this?" He puts the alligator on the table, takes out his "thingy" and put it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator had its mouth wide open; one minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes. FOUR MINUTES!! He takes "it" out and said," Well? Is there anyone dare to do that?" It was a complete silence in the bar. The dude sees a hand raised up in the corner, " You there" A guy stands up and said in a "soft" voice, " Oh I'll do it, but I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."
There were 3 guys, one White, one Japanese, and the other one Portuguese. They were gonna give speeches to a bunch of deaf people. The white dude went first. He rubbed his chest, and then he rubbed his groin. After he's finished, the other two asked," What did you just do?" White dude replied," Well, I did some sign languages. I rubbed my chest to say ladies, and rubbed my groin to say gentleman."
So the Japanese, not to be outdone of course, went up. He made antlers, then rubbed his chest, then rubbed his groin. "What did you just do" The Japanese guy said," I said Dear ladies and gentleman.".
The Portuguese, not to be outdone of course, went up. He made antlers, rubbed his chest, then rubbed his groin, and started masturbating! After he's done, the other two ask "Eh dude, what was that?" So the Portuguese guy said," Oh that, all I said was Dear ladies and gentleman, it gives me great pleasure..."
Hope you enjoyed them. Please come back for more.
If you have a joke and like to see it posted please send it to me
All jokes are welcome.
A very special poem. Check it out.
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